this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
