if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
