once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
