I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
