Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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