dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
