This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
