I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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