where am i from again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
