She said her name was "party"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
