I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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