Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
