quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
