we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
