and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
