you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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