All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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