It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
