saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
