We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
