We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
