New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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