this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
