I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
