apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
