I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
