My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
