Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
