i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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