You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
