I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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