dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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