found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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