apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
