i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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