Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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