I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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