Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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