When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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