Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
