So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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