he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
