I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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