I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
