Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
