haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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