if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
