my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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