every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
