I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
