she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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